WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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