YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
