peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
