And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
