I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
