i was born a porn star she said
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
