there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
