Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
