no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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