we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
