Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
