yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
