i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
