There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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