I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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