So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
