so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
