She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
