Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Say something about gay babies.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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