At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
