if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
