I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is Oprah even human
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
