It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
