I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
