In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize