I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
