I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
