i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
