did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
