U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
