You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
