Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
