Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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