Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
