Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
