Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
