im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
