I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
