If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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