I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I could fuck to npr.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
