Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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