I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
