I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
