Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
