ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
