I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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