I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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