did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
