Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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