you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I need water and some morals
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
