i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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