first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
