Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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