The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
