Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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