o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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