Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
