I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
