I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
