Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
