you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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