Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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