The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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