can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
