I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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