1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
