i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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