i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
