Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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