You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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