I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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