Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
