We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
