Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
