You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
